yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
