I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
