I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think im going to throw up on grandma
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
