I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
