Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
