We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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