return my video game
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
