dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
