3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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