I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
