Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
