end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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