i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
