i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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