What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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