Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
