I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
