Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
