Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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