i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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