she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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