I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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