I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
