I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
