dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my being single is dangerous.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
