Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
