I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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