We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
