the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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