so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
