what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
