Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You have to summon your inner elephant
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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