it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize