i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
