Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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