I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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