Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize