I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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