So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
