P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
3 2 1 whiskey
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
