He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize