How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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