And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
