I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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