Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
