Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
