Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
