you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
