the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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