Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
