Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
