He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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