Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
soo... how was my night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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