Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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