I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
