I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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