i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
