you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
