their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
