well I can't set my house on fire every night
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
