Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
PANTIES FOUND
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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