Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
