This girl is more easily done than said...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
