Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
