dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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