"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
