love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
