KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Two words: blizzard sex
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
