I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
