it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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